2022.01.05 - new year new adventure
listening to: one & only - the rasmus
it's funny how things turn out, right? last time i wrote a blog entry, i was seriously falling apart. there was this huge weight on me, the stress, the neverending fucking stress. and it all came to a head when i stayed up for two days straight to finish my assignments and became slightly delirious, and then the two weeks after that were a blur of travelling and paperwork and yet more stress and assignments. but then christmas happened! and since then, everything has been okay. it always goes like that, just when you feel like you're about to crack under all the pressure, it's lifted off you, just like that, and everything's fine again.
i think the turning point came during midnight mass, when we were all holding our candles and singing, and the whole month's worth of stress melted away and it felt like god was reaching down from heaven and giving me a hug. i felt so peaceful and warm and happy and my eyes were full of happy tears. christmas was beautiful, it was so relaxing and nice. we basically did nothing all day long, but it was good to have a rest. a bit of respite, you know?
the stretch of time between christmas and new year always feels like a bit of a blur. i, personally, spent it fucking up my sleep schedule, getting back in touch with my creative side and smoking a fuckton of weed. i've rediscovered my old characters and am revisiting their story. i'm inventing new characters. i'm writing a ton of songs. i'm sitting around baked all day long. i'm making abhorrent food combinations. i'm feeling totally, completely, utterly relaxed and chill. i'm really enjoying my free time right now.
i know i don't have long here, though. i'll be saying goodbye to my hometown sometime at the end of this week, or the start of next. i still need to see my best friend, but she's ignoring my text. not gonna lie, i'm feeling kinda resentful towards her right now, but that's something we can think about another time. i don't want to leave when i'm annoyed, you know? like how you're not supposed to go to sleep angry at someone, it's always best to say goodnight on a good note. i need to see my sister too, i don't know if we'll get the chance. this is all going so fast, it feels like i'm making no progress at all then all the progress happens at once.
i'm trying to be positive, though! it's an adventure. i'm making a playlist for my adventure, with a bunch of songs that make me smile and make me feel like i'm the main character of an obscure early 2000s tv show or something. i'm finding my own way in the world. this is the beginning of the rest of my life!