2021.11.03 - why i don't like Z

listening to: addictions - superbus

another day, another assignment... i'm feeling so overloaded right now, i don't know why i do this to myself. four assignments in as many days? fuck. one assignment a day is not sustainable at all. plus, i spend all day working on my assignment, which makes me long for my usual free time back, so i stay up all night long in order to have some time on my own to do whatever i want. work hard, play hard, you know? but my "play hard" just means smoking a ton of weed, watching funny youtube videos and listening to oomph! lmao.

for obvious reasons, today's blog post won't be too long. but i wanted to write on here a little bit, maybe just to get my feelings out since i didn't go to therapy today. tomorrow i'm planning to go to the cathedral to see if they have a st benedict's medal i could get blessed by the priest. basically, without going into too much detail, a while back i almost did something with a girl named Z. (you can probably guess what i mean by something. c'mon, i'm trying to keep my blog at least semi-PG.) it was a really weird experience and i never thought i'd see Z again, actually i hoped i'd never see her again, but she got really really attached really quickly, talking about a serious relationship with me and told me she loves me after knowing me for only a few hours. we swapped numbers because i didn't want to be the kind of asshole who stays the night and sneaks out before you've woken up, you know? and when she texted me i texted back, mostly because i felt bad that i really wanted to ghost her, but after a while our communication fizzled out, which i was very thankful for. but yesterday i heard that she still remembers me and she misses me, and boy did that put the fear into me!

i'm genuinely quite scared of Z, not just because of her over-attached behaviour (and the fact that i've heard some pretty horrible allegations against her), but because she's a satanist and apparently works with demons. now don't get me wrong, i'm not one of those uptight fuckers who hates anyone and everyone who is not christian, but fucking with demons and stuff is where i draw the line. i have pagan friends who i love dearly, but i don't want to associate with people who genuinely work with demons and bad spirits. call me paranoid or superstitious or whatever but i don't want to be around that. i actually didn't believe in any of that stuff until i met Z. after spending time with her, my energy was thrown off for an entire week, no joke. i just felt like there was a weird presence around, that latched onto me when i was at her house. it was when i realised she had demonic sigils all over her house that i was just like. haha maybe it's not a good idea to be in here. of course i'm not saying that she cursed me or put a spell on me or whatever, but maybe some of the energy from her place attached onto me and made me feel all wrong and weird for ages afterwards. it felt really bad and i don't want it to happen again.

so that's why i want this st benedict medal, to protect me, since st benedict medals can protect against witchcraft and general satanic shit. yeah i know, i'm not catholic, but there's just something about saint medals that i feel really drawn to? the idea of having a physical medal to carry around with me and ward off any bad spirits really appeals to me. i can only hope the people at the cathedral won't mind this random protestant strolling in asking the priest to bless a medal for him. besides, i've been wanting to visit the cathedral for a while now, i just really enjoy being in religious spaces. my church is so beautiful, with stained-glass windows and stuff, and the chapel near me is so gorgeous. i'm really excited to go and visit this cathedral! anyways, that's enough blog writing for tonight. back to my assignments i go! ciao.